Masters of Their Domain

Joker brought to my attention that it was ten years ago yesterday that Seinfeld went off the air for good, after nine tumultuous seasons of being "a show about nothing." I'm nothing if not nostalgic, so I thought I'd offer a bit of tribute.

But where to begin? With Jerry, the supposed straight man, who was as neurotic as the rest (and a bad actor constantly cracking up through his lines for nine years)? With George, who began as a Woody Allen clone, then became a down-on-his luck nebbish, and finally emerged as an obsessive, single-minded sociopath? With Elaine, who began life as a cute, sweet-natured nineties liberal gal with an optimistic streak a mile long, and wound up embittered and annoyed by everything anyone did in her presence? Or with Kramer, who started out weird and only got weirder?

I could always mention the revolving door of recurring guest characters: Morty and Helen Seinfeld; Frank and Estelle Costanza; David Puddy; Newman; Mickey; Kenny Banya; Tim Whatley; Babu Bhat; Mr. Wilhelm; Mr. Morgan; Ping; Rachel; Kruger; Steinbrenner; Peterman; Jackie Chiles! Or the string of gorgeous girlfriends had by Jerry and George, including Suzanne Cryer, Courteney Cox, Jessica Lundy, Lauren Graham, Chelsea Noble, Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, Debra Messing, Jennifer Coolidge, Lori Laughlin, and so many more. Or Elaine's boyfriends, who included David James Elliot of JAG, Scott Patterson of Gilmore Girls, Cary Elwes of The Princess Bride, and John Michael Higgins (of the Christopher Guest mockumentary ensemble). Or the occasional one-off weirdos, like the Soup Nazi, the Low Talker, the High Talker, the Close Talker, Man Hands, Alec Berg, Ramon the Pool Boy; Bubble Boy and his parents; Kramer's intern, Darren (possibly my favorite one-episode character); alcoholic James Spader, Keith Hernandez.

I could talk about the catchphrases: "Yada yada," "Master of my domain," "re-gifting," "refunding," "de-gifting," "A Festivus for the rest of us," "Shiksappeal," "Spongeworthy," "muffin tops/muffin stumps," "hipster doofus," and "Hellooooooo!"

I could just quote Elaine: "Lazy and stupid I understand!" "No, I mentioned the bisque!" "I haven't had sex in a week, and I don't know no portuguese!" "Fake, fake, fake, fake!"

Or George: "It's not a lie if you believe it." "Jerry, you know I always wanted to pretend to be an architect!" "I'm bursting, Jerry!" "So from now on, when you answer the phone, say 'Vandelay Industries'!" "Cooooo-Stanza!"

Or Kramer: "You know, if you'd told me twenty years ago that I'd be standing here, about to solve the world's oil problems, I'd have laughed in your face. But here we are. Now, let's push this giant ball of oil out the window." "Yama-hama, it's fright night!" "My face is my livelihood, Jerry!" "I'm at the corner of first...and first. How can a street intersect with itself? Jerry, I'm at the nexus of the universe!" "Well, that would explain Little Jerry's poor egg production." "I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm lovin' every minute of it?" "In my mind, I'm already gone."

Or Jerry: "That's a shame." "Oh, this can't miss." "I'm not taking him to the airport!" "But I don't wanna be a pirate!" "She has this laugh, like Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer." "Let's go watch them slice this fat bastard up." "Newman!"

I could talk about any one of those things. But in tribute to the show's greatest driving force, the core of every episode, I'll simply say...nothing.